For 13 years I practiced Svaroopa® yoga poses daily. Yet I still felt something was missing. I knew there was something more to discover. Even having so much love in my life, including my wonderful kids and my husband, still I was in pain, physically and emotionally. Then my yearning for Self-discovery drew me forward to Meditation Teacher Training (MTT).
Since then my journey has been intense. To dissolve the veil and free my Self from being hidden within has sometimes been tough. I have experienced lots of tapas (inner fire). But as Swamiji has told me, “Tiny openings equal tiny progress. Whereas deep openings give you fast progress.” So I decided to go for fast progress. Now that I have completed MTT and teach meditation, I am unfolding my Self more and more rapidly. To be able to be who I am, to live from that deeper knowing and to show the people I love who I really am (and always have been) — that is one of the greatest benefits to me of being a Meditation Teacher.
I began preparation for MTT in 2014. It included Embodyment® Yoga Therapy Training, and then a seven-day Ashram stay ending with a Shaktipat retreat with Swamiji. That gave me a lot of openings. Being in the presence of Swami Nirmalananda for 10 days, and receiving Swamiji’s teachings was profound and amazing. My meditations became deeper, and I was able to sit without kriyas moving me too much. I did at times have a headache, but when I came out of meditation, it was gone.
Every evening during MTT, we students were writing our talks on sutras for the next day. Even though I did not have as much sleep as usual, the most amazing thing was, I stayed open through the whole training. Working with the other students, getting the support and feedback in our groups when we did our talks and having the support from the other teachers — Vidyadevi, Rukmini and Devi—made it a very deep and beautiful training.
When I returned home to Denmark, I had a lot of writing and translation to do, in order to get ready for my first meditation course. At first I felt it was very challenging to understand the sutras and put them into my own words in a way that would make sense to my students. Teaching the meditation classes, however, was joyful. I continue to find an ease as I teach meditation. Grace makes it flow smoothly.
After MTT I find that my yoga classes are deeper; my students go deeper and have more openings because I am more open. I feel calmer, more present in the midst of life. When I bike through my city, walk my dog, clean my house, cook, I am in the now. Before, I had to do my spinal opening at least once a day to feel okay. I still do poses, of course, but I might just take a long Shavasana, do some japa, listen to a chant, chant a few verses of Shree Guru Gita, meditate, practice Ujjayi pranayama or listen to one of Swamiji´s talks. I have so many options, and they all support me in accessing my Self with ease. Even as I write this blog, it is also a practice that makes me aware of what a long way I have come.
When I began my journey inward to Self, I was so far away. MTT and teaching meditation to my students has brought me so much closer to my Self. And what joy to see how my new students as well as my experienced students receive the benefits of meditation, and to hear them all as they enjoy saying the mantra!